Things I feel guilty about DAILY:
- Missing quality time with my children during the day.
- Getting frustrated with my 11-year-old over something, always.
- Spending $$$.
- Getting to work late.
- I don’t call my Grandmother and Grandfather near enough.
- I don’t keep in touch with my close friends as much as I’d like too.
- I spend way too much time doing dishes when I should be paying more attention to my children.
- Cleaning just does not get completed like it used to.
- I’ve gotten angry with my husband because I do want to stay home with my baby and home school my 6th grader.
- If I don’t work, what kind of retirement will I be able to provide for my husband and I?
- I want ME time.
Last weekend, after keeping my 11 yr old for an evening, my sister asked me…….”Don’t you ever just need you time, time alone?” I explained to her that the reason I keep such late hours is to have just a tiny bit of ME time. A huge rush of guilt overwhelms me if I try to have ME time while I should be spending time with my family. I do spend a little time here and there, shopping. That seems to be my activity of choice when I’m alone these days. I don’t even like to shop, it’s just quick and easy.
Guilt will likely be a popular topic for me and this blog. I’m not even Catholic, and I am constantly wrestling with guilt. I guess my father is Catholic. Maybe he passed the guilt thing down to me. Anyhow, today, I wrote down all of the things I tend to think about everyday. As a working mom, I feel that I miss out on so much with my boys. While my 11 yr old is in school all day, I really struggle with what I miss out on with my 2 yr old. I had a week of vacation during holiday time and enjoyed being with them both so much. It was so difficult to be back at work on Monday. I missed making breakfast with my little Bear and listening to all of the new words and sentences he is using. I played a board game with my 11 yr old one evening. I always tell him I don’t have time because I have things to do to get ready for work the next day. I just wish life could slow down.
Do other working ladies feel this way? Am I alone? Am I unhappy in my job, making me feel more guilty about missing my home life? I was so excited to land the job that I have, buying leather, carpet, fabric for the interiors of a some pretty amazing aircraft for Cessna Aircraft Company. I think I’m great at what I do, I hope I am, so then why the discontent? Why was I so incredibly happy last week at home? Do women work because they want to or have to? I believe I’m a combination of both. I am extremely proud to know that I can support my family on my own, if ever necessary. I do feel a great sense of accomplishment when I meet a goal or make it through a more challenging work day.
I hope other working moms find their way to my blog and can share their thoughts and experiences with these issues. Any suggestions for providing balance while not indulging in a big, giant guilt sandwich would be greatly appreciated.
Rush Hour Mom
P.S. I wasn’t even sure how to organize my thoughts regarding guilt today. More to come, I’m sure.